Failing

The other day I was talking to friend. He has always had issues with religion, God, and particularly at Christianity. But this time he not only had issues, this time he was furious. He was mad at the lies that Christianity had spat at him. He was pissed off at the fact that there was so much hypocrisy, but not only that, so many fakes who aren't even hypocrites but simply fakes. In his words, he said that from what he has seen, the devil has more to offer him in this life. All he wants is to live, be successful, die, and have his body decompose. That's it. He says he is too ambitious and laughs at all religious people for chasing after something that is not real or something that won't even help them in life. He told me he wants power and success. He told me he doesn't like people.

Another friend has issues of orientation. His family has rejected him because of it. The ones that were supposed to be the people who most closely show him the love of Christ have rejected him and kicked him out. Now, there is bitterness towards people. Bridges are burned. People are hurt and he is only protecting himself.

I know another guy. He says that he is the way he is because Christians made him this way. He is a grim guy who professes belief in God but has nothing to do with church. He may attend to appease his mom every once in a while. I once heard him say that he had never seen someone express the real love of God to him.

There's another guy. He knows the gist of religion, knows the premise of Christianity but has never been challenged to it. Has never had his faith sparked. To him, there is no issue of church. It's just something that some do and others don't. When I invited him to house church, he was shocked that it was even possible to have church in a house.

And yet there's another guy. Grew up in the church and knows about God. But he's locked in his beliefs. His way of thinking is always right. Anyone who opposes it is wrong. He fits the typical white Republican in his beliefs. And he has injured others because of it.

It made me think.

As Christians, what the hell are we doing? Obviously we are doing something wrong, because we, I, am supposed to be showing the love of Christ to everyone, accepting everyone, living out faith in a way that demonstrates what I believe. I am supposed to be someone who gives all of myself. Christ is supposed to be dwelling in me and if Christ is dwelling in me, how can I do anything other than love others as they are and give them the grace that was shown me? I am supposed to SHOW them what it means to follow the rabbi not tell them to and then go and indulge in whatever vice has them trapped in the dungeons of sin! I am called, WE are called, to be a people that brings light. When did we stop? When did being a Christian become so commonplace that it means NOTHING to be a follower of Christ!? And why are we doing nothing about it? It makes me sad that after being around these guys they don't tell me that I'm different because I follow Christ or that I have been an example of unconditional love to them. It pains me even more that I am not the only one who has failed at that. It pains me the most that because of my and our failures, there are people that choose to have nothing to do with Truth and Life and Love and walk into Darkness, Hate, and Loneliness. And what chills me is that I may have just wasted my last chance to witness to them what Jesus is truly all about.

Home and the Lessons Learned

So I am home. I flew in on the 9th. Man, what an emotional day that was. I was excited as all get out to get back home but then I again I realized how much those people back in Desamparados had come to mean to me. I am ready for the semester to start so that I can see my friends, classes get under way (in a sick way I am ready for classes), have more of a set routine, and start some new things in my life. But many of the people made an impact in my life that I will never forget. The conversation that I had with Fran who said he will not get baptized because he cannot make God a priority in his life, the time with Wagner who is 14 but is more mature than most teenagers, with Gabby who is baptized but her mom is not, with Jose who is an amazing man of God, with Guillermo who is consistent and faithful in all, with Ronald and his jokes, wisdom, and teachings, with Esteban and his desire to serve God and do good. All of that I will miss deeply. I did not realize how much I was taking for granted there and how much I was actually getting into.

I learned so much. I learned that I need to be a light in the world and be in a place so that my light is seen and defeats darkness. I learned that my life should be different from that of someone who is not a follower of Christ. I learned to deal with people gently and humbly. I learned a way of approaching Bible studies. I began learning about faith and prayer. I was encouraged and brought to learn that even as a stranger in a different land, I can help people. I learned the power of relationships, even if all in common is Christ.


Desamparados means the abandoned. I found that it was an interesting name for a city. It made me think, there must be many people who feel abandoned by God, abandoned by families, abandoned by friends, abandoned by hope. I met too many single moms or kids who's fathers had left them. They were abandoned. But one of the lessons that I heard preached several times while there was that God does not abandon us nor does he fail us.

I know I am anything but abandoned and that I am supposed to take what I have learned and apply it. As time goes on, I'm sure I'll realize other things that I learned. My prayer for being back home is that God will teach me more. That I will be able to really be active in my faith. That I will not be alone. And that these next few months I will burn furiously for Him.